I’ve already promised that I won’t start drinking until after I give my speech. And that I won’t ask the DJ to play any Foreigner. It’s as though she doesn’t want me having any fun at this wedding at all.
Now, despite how the comic makes it look, not all of my favourite moments with my best friend involve whoring it up or getting unsober. But even our less scandalous moments aren’t all that appropriate for a wedding speech, either.
“For two weeks in our freshman year, we only watched Invader Zim, and we would have entire conversations in Invader Zim quotes. For example…”
“We went snowboarding in Lake Placid and she landed on her ass too hard, so she spent a week shoving snow down the back of her pants, and we came up with a bunch of ass-themed nicknames for her. For example…”
“After we went to see Superbad, we spent the rest of the night going ‘boop!’ to each others’ noses. Allow me to demonstrate on her grandmother…”
(Wow, that last one sounded kind of dirty.)
I think that’s the thing about super close friendships: the reason those moments mean so much to the two of you is because they make no sense to anyone else. It’s something no one else shares. So, in a way, it’s a good thing I can’t tell any of these stories at her wedding, because it means those stories retain their importance to the both of us.
On the other hand, I still have a four-minute speech to write, and I am FUCKED.