My Wii Fit makes me feel so bad about myself every time I turn it on. Even if I go only a couple of days between using it, the stupid thing is all, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!” As though it’s just been sitting there, waiting for me to return, but knowing I probably won’t. And instead of feeling sadness, it just feels scorn for me, and it can’t help but snipe when I finally come back. Listen up, Wii Fit: passive-aggression does not work on me. If anything, it will make me use you less out of spite. And then we both lose.
Even worse is when I do use the Wii Fit every day, because it acts all surprised. “Wow, it takes real dedication to exercise daily!” I can just hear its condescension. “I can’t believe you somehow put down the potato chips and got your fat blob of a butt off the couch two days in a row! Make sure you don’t wear yourself out doing the hula hoop, now!”
Stupid Wii Fit. You’re not the boss of me.